Cult of Personality

THE KILLOUGH CHRONICLES | REVIEW

by James Killough

It’s not easy for someone like me—a member of a spiritual group in which the devotees wear all white on ceremonial occasions, perform ablutions before meditation, touch our heads to the floor before a ritual meal and obey the Master of the Path without question—to sit through the first parts of Sound of My Voice, much less be interested in seeing it at all lest it make me squirm right out of my preferred movie theater seat, C22 in the handicapped section of Arclight Hollywood, the most legroom in the galaxy.

The transcendent Brit Marling.

Granted, the secret Sufi handshake of my group isn’t as elaborate as the one in SOMV, but nor is it particularly secret.  A sort of cross between a bro handclasp and a kiss, it is elegant enough to be performed quickly on the street; it doesn’t even look like a secret handshake, more like the Middle-Eastern equivalent of a European air kiss, which is what it is: very Arabian Nights somehow, or how Crusaders in an esoteric brotherhood might have met or left each other in medieval Jerusalem.

The Formula’s Formula

KIMBALL VS KILLOUGH | REVIEW

starring Tyler Kimball & James Killough

It’s that time of year: the Oscar contenders have all run their race, so the dregs are brought out and slapped on screen.  In a perverse twist of fate—perverse only because studios will now feel justified to make more crap—those dregs are turning out to be frothy pints of perfectly pulled Guinnesses in terms of what they’re doing at the box office.

Kimball selected the lesser of all evils in cinemas right now, Daniel Espinosa’s Safe House.  Despite the fact they went to see it together, he and Killough managed not to discuss it at all up until taping this review:

Kimball rates Safe House:

Killough rates it:

Extremely Articulate & Incredibly Precocious

KIMBALL VS KILLOUGH | REVIEW

starring Tyler Kimball and James Killough

It’s official: Kimball has become PFC’s very own Tintin, the earnest, passionate young blonde who wishes everyone well, and who wouldn’t sound amiss exclaiming “Gosh, darn it!” whereas Killough is Captain Haddock, the salty old foulmouthed alcoholic curmudgeon.

In the shredder today is Stephen Daldry’s Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.  Killough suspects Kimball’s manager has been telling him to love absolutely everything and not piss anyone  in Hollywood off, but we’ll see what happens after they’re done with awards season and the crap starts flowing out of the studios once again.

 

Kimball rates EL&IC: 

Killough rates it: 

The Director with the Golden Career

KIMBALL VS KILLOUGH | REVIEW

starring Tyler Kimball and James Killough

Kimball finally gets a word or two in edgewise in this review of David Fincher’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. As usual, Killough knocks around a few movie stars (*cough* Jodie Foster *cough*), and is pleased Daniel Craig seems to be laying off the juice.

Note: There won’t be a roundup this week owing to the holiday season clusterfuck.  We’re back on Monday with Eric Baker.  Happy New Year.

Kimball rates Dragon Tattoo:  

Killough rates it:

Total Annihilation Is the New Black (Repost)

CRAMER VS KILLOUGH | REVIEW

starring Christopher Cramer and James Killough

Given that Melancholia was released this past weekend, we are reposting the video review.

In the video portion that is part two of yesterday’s piece, there was so much to say about Lars von Trier’s Melancholia that didn’t make it into the review, sadly, or it would have been half an hour long.  No doubt we could have waxed even more poetic about Kirsten Dunst’s breasts, too, but we seem to have given that enough air time as it is.

What didn’t make the cut is that Melancholia isn’t just a great film, it is the anti-Tree of Life, which in the footage now lying on the editing room floor, James called “pseudo-spiritual cack.”  This is the film that should have won the Palme D’Or, not TOL.  Robert De Niro, the head of the jury this year, is clearly becoming something of a sentimental old buffoon if he couldn’t see it.

But wait: those Hitler/Nazi statements of von Trier’s at the press conference. Forgot about those. Bad taste trumps great art every time, for a time. We take that back, Mr. De Niro.  Carry on.

Oh, and James doesn’t really have jet-black eyebrows and beard, and beady, creepy eyes.  We had to increase the contrast on the video to see Chris’ face properly.

Chris rates Melancholia:

James rates it:

Out of His Depp

THE KILLOUGH CHRONICLES | REVIEW

by James Killough

Without knowing the exact insider gossip behind the release of The Rum Diary, I can only take a somewhat educated guess as to what’s created this mess at the Mad Hatter’s tea table.

Has to be botox. HAS to be.

The film has three credited financing companies, but I imagine there is a fourth: Johnny Depp himself, a longtime friend of Hunter S. Thompson’s, who no doubt magnanimously overpaid for the rights to the novel, and wants to see his money back, which is why his has thrown his considerable weight behind the film’s PR: a Vanity Fair cover article; pieces he wrote himself for The Daily Beast and others; and a rather forced, not-very-funny “viral” video with Ricky Gervais. Otherwise, Depp has suffered a mild psychotic break and actually believes this piece of absolute tripe is worthy cinema.

Total Annihilation Is the New Black

CRAMER VS KILLOUGH | REVIEW

starring Christopher Cramer and James Killough

In the video portion that is part two of yesterday’s piece, there was so much to say about Lars von Trier’s Melancholia that didn’t make it into the review, sadly, or it would have been half an hour long.  No doubt we could have waxed even more poetic about Kirsten Dunst’s breasts, too, but we seem to have given that enough air time as it is.

What didn’t make the cut is that Melancholia isn’t just a great film, it is the anti-Tree of Life, which in the footage now lying on the editing room floor, James called “pseudo-spiritual cack.”  This is the film that should have won the Palme D’Or, not TOL.  Robert De Niro, the head of the jury this year, is clearly becoming something of a sentimental old buffoon if he couldn’t see it.

But wait: those Hitler/Nazi statements of von Trier’s at the press conference. Forgot about those. Bad taste trumps great art every time, for a time. We take that back, Mr. De Niro.  Carry on.

Oh, and James doesn’t really have jet-black eyebrows and beard, and beady, creepy eyes.  We had to increase the contrast on the video to see Chris’ face properly.

Chris rates Melancholia:

James rates it:

His Brilliant Career

CRAMER VS KILLOUGH | REVIEW

starring Christopher Cramer and James Killough

Chris and James take things a little more seriously for a review of Bennett Miller’s Moneyball, which should win a pair of Golden Raspberries this year for the suckiest title and worst trailer, which lead you to believe  it is Brad Pitt’s answer to Jerry Maguire.  It isn’t.  Indeed, overall it is very different than what they both thought it was going to be.

The duo’s sententiousness is interrupted by Antoine the Cat, who comes in looking for Chris’s fruit, but finds none.

Chris rates Moneyball: 

James rates it:

I’ll Have The Psycho Well Done With a Side of Aspergers, Please

CRAMER VS KILLOUGH

starring Christopher Cramer and James KIllough

Chris and James go at each other in reviews of both Brighton Rock and Drive, which was a mistake because it made the video almost too long to post on YouTube—the minimum is fifteen minutes, just so you know next time you put up your apple crumble recipe.  There are a lot more similarities between the two films that were edited out as a consequence, and we’re not just talking genre and personality disorders.  So from now on, one movie at a time:

 

Chris rates Brighton Rock:

James rates it:

 

Chris rates Drive:

James rates it:

 

Stand in the Place Where You Live

CRAMER VS KILLOUGH | REVIEW

starring Christopher Cramer & James Killough

We’ve already run Baker’s review of Midnight in Paris, but Chris is a huge Woody Allen fan, and felt he needed to be fully self-expressed about it on tape.  There are moments in the review when his hair becomes like the Statue of Liberty’s torch, such is his passion for the old pedo.

(Note: the reason Chris is always eating in these reviews is he tapes them on his lunch break, and eating fruit allows him to drink beer and not look like Rachel McAdams.)

Chris rates this:

James rates this: