Tag Archives: Millionaire Matchmaker

All the Single Ladies

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by James Tuttle

Gentle reader,

You’re not going to believe this but there’s a new matchmaker show on the horizon.  That’s right, Why Am I Still Single?! is here!  The geniuses at VH1, home of quality programming like Mob Wives and Rock of Love Bus, premiered their answer to Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker over the weekend and, holy shit, it’s a train wreck.

Garrett Neff doesn't look like he needs a matchmaker. (Ph: J. Tsipoulanis)

The first thing we notice is that Patti’s competition is a pretty New Yorker named Siggy Flicker, which sounds like it could be Cockney rhyming slang for female anatomical parts.  She seems to have a good head on her shoulders, but attached to that head are the longest hair extensions in the Western Hemisphere.  One of the first things she says is “You can’t fake love.  You can’t fake passion.  You can’t fake chemistry.”  But you sure can fake your damn hair!  Who the hell thinks five-foot long hair looks good, anyway?  Crystal Gale? Continue reading

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How to Marry a Millionaire

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by James Tuttle

Gentle reader,

Our favorite Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger is back in L.A. for her fifth season on Bravo and it looks like she’s had a little work done on her face to commemorate the occasion.  Unfortunately, it looks like she did the work herself after she’d had a few cocktails.  Seriously, Patti, what’s with the wonky lips and the eyebrows creeping upward at different altitudes?  Do they measure out Botox these days or just randomly inject and run?

Nick Ayler: Not a millionaire but he should be. (Photo: R Gerst)

This scary makeover thing usually happens before season two, after the person has watched themselves over the six or eight episodes of the first season and felt like they needed to correct a few things.  Luckily, there’s enough time after they find out they’ve been picked up for a second season to get a little filler, tightening or all-out liposuction before taping begins anew.  In Patti’s case, it’s been four seasons but the word on the street is that she’s newly single so that might be her reason for slimming down and fucking with her face.

Continue reading

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