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Sidney Bag-o-Pucks

BAKER STREET

by Eric J Baker

The Pittsburgh Penguins, crowned by most sports writers as presumptive 2012 Stanley Cup Champions, were just smoked by the Philadelphia Flyers in the opening week of the NHL playoffs. Thus proving true the sports writer’s axiom, “That’s why you still have to play the games.” The Pen’s captain, Sidney Crosby, is arguably the best hockey player on the planet. I say trade the bum.

You call that a playoff beard?

In 2009, Crosby led his Penguins to a championship (above) and months later won a gold medal for Canada, all by the time he was legally able to order a Miller Lite in a bar. He is a gifted athlete who can turn crap into a goal while the guys on the other team are standing there wondering who pulled their jock straps over their heads. He’s five seconds ahead of everyone, as only the most elite players can be. He’s tenacious, and he’s a winner.

Oh yeah. Everybody hates him.

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Breakdown Freddie vs The World

BAKER STREET 

by Eric J Baker

The time to confess a dark secret has come: 37 years ago, I tried to kill someone. I do not know if there is a statute of limitations on attempted murder, but I’ll have to take my chances. The guilt is eating me up, and I’ve just learned that, to the new generation, 7 to 10 years in prison isn’t all that long.

The Guidos of "Jersey Shore" belie how hazardous it is to grow up in the Garden State.

My victim was Breakdown Freddie, a kid in my neighborhood. The scene played out like this: He hit me softly with a fuzzy slipper. In what might be described as one of the most unreasonable overreactions in the history of random kids from New Jersey overreacting, I kicked him down a flight of stairs.

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