by James Tuttle
The year 2012, much maligned by the ancient Mayans, has finally arrived and right along with it the highly anticipated second season of VH1’s Mob Wives. Maybe the Mayans’ idea of the end of civilization was that Mob Wives would get another season so, even though the Earth hasn’t imploded, they might have been right on track.
Unfortunately, this first episode was less of an earth-shattering event and more of a bunch of tough talking, no-class tramps looking for things to get upset about. First off, linebacker/drama queen Renee is offended that Carla didn’t come visit her in the hospital after her liposuction surgery had gone horribly wrong.
You see, Renee didn’t want to go to the gym “like the skinny bitches” so she got a full-body makeover and ended up in intensive care. Now everyone should drop what they’re doing and run to the hospital because she couldn’t put down her fucking fork and step on a treadmill once in a while. That Carla is so selfish.
And Karen is fuming about Drita telling everyone how she totally wrecked her in the rooftop fight at the end of last season. This is clearly a story the producers have fed to Karen because Drita, my hands-down favorite no-nonsense Albanian glamazon, would never make up shit like that. Karen, on the other hand, is so easily deceived and so eager to make for good TV that she is determined to start another fight with Drita, and thinks that the party Renee is throwing to celebrate her victory over death-by-liposuction is the best place to do it.
We haven’t yet seen how this fight ends but I’m definitely on Team Drita. Not only is she a born scrapper and a natural on camera, but she’s also been taking boxing lessons. Sorry, Karen, your face might not look as good next week.
I actually liked the Mob Wives’ “New Year’s Day” promo better than the actual show. The girls are beautifully dressed and the hair and makeup is so good, especially on the chubby ones, that they look Photoshopped. And everyone seems more glamorous in slow motion. In fact, I may try moving around in slow motion for the next few days and see if I look any better. Not in public, of course. That would be stupid.
Well, now that we’ve got that out of the way, it’s time to talk fashion. Given what Killough and I spied the young ladies wearing as we walked through Hollywood on New Year’s Eve, it appears that my sartorial advice of the last several months has been falling on deaf ears. If you have to wriggle your skirt down to cover your panties every step you take, it’s not a skirt. It’s a belt.
So, let’s give the guys a chance this week and look forward to some men’s trends for Spring/Summer 2012. The men’s spring shows were full of energy and an exuberance for fashion that gave rise to a ton of trends for the coming months but a lot of them are, quite frankly, a bit silly and others are so predictable (“leather jackets!”) that we can narrow it down without too much trouble.
- Bold Colors: We are going to be seeing a lot of bright hues for men, from the all-yellow look that we’ve already discussed at Cavalli to the pinks and oranges that were are all over the Paris and Milan shows. Ocean blue was so prevalent at Kenzo, Margiela and Issey Miyake, among others, that it’s actually a trend on its own. It looks great with yellow and the other brights but, paired with white, it’s quite classic and nautical. The tip here is to forgo the head-to-toe wild color and pick up a bright sweater or polo shirt instead. If you’re a little more daring, find some hot pink jeans to wear with your navy blazer. Trust me, it looks much cooler than it sounds.
- Wide Trousers: I’m not sure how I feel about the wide, flowing trousers that went down the runways at Dior and Ferragamo because I’ve become really comfortable with the narrower leg that has been around the last couple of years. I actually overdid it a few seasons ago and had a pair of pants tapered so much that I couldn’t walk up the stairs in them. They looked really cool but, on second thought, maybe a wider pant isn’t such a bad idea. Another option is the “carrot pant” at Dries Van Noten and Christophe Lemaire that is full and pleated at the top but narrow at the bottom, but tread carefully here. Just saying the words carrot pant makes me feel like an organic smoothie.
- Schoolboy Blazers: Shorter, trimmer and more constructed jackets for spring looked great at Louis Vuitton and Gucci. Be careful not to get the sleeves too short because, rather than looking current, you’ll look like you’re wearing a little person’s clothes. There was also a sprinkling of long jackets like the ones at Yves Saint Laurent that were reminiscent of outerwear, if you want to try something in the other direction.
- Evening Shine: Going back to my favorite collection in Milan this season, Gucci had great examples of a sheen on the evening looks that seemed very cool and modern. There’s a point where you can get too shiny and I probably would never wear the complete ensemble that Ryan Gosling did but you can always break it up. Even if you don’t have a lot of black tie events coming up in the spring, you’ll still wear the jacket with dark jeans.
So that’s pretty clean and simple, right? With all these strange new colors and proportions coming at us, it’s easy to get confused, but don’t worry. Just be open to new things. If you feel like it, try it on and take if off if you hate it. That, along with always having as much fun as possible is a pretty good general rule for anything, I think.