How to Marry a Millionaire

TUTTLE MODE

by James Tuttle

Gentle reader,

Our favorite Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger is back in L.A. for her fifth season on Bravo and it looks like she’s had a little work done on her face to commemorate the occasion.  Unfortunately, it looks like she did the work herself after she’d had a few cocktails.  Seriously, Patti, what’s with the wonky lips and the eyebrows creeping upward at different altitudes?  Do they measure out Botox these days or just randomly inject and run?

Nick Ayler: Not a millionaire but he should be. (Photo: R Gerst)

This scary makeover thing usually happens before season two, after the person has watched themselves over the six or eight episodes of the first season and felt like they needed to correct a few things.  Luckily, there’s enough time after they find out they’ve been picked up for a second season to get a little filler, tightening or all-out liposuction before taping begins anew.  In Patti’s case, it’s been four seasons but the word on the street is that she’s newly single so that might be her reason for slimming down and fucking with her face.

Every Clown Has a Silly Lining

TUTTLE MODE

by James Tuttle

Gentle reader,

It took me a while to get around to finally seeing Bravo’s new show Million Dollar Decorators because the commercials for it were so awful.  It looks like a bunch of douches with dueling egos who don’t even know each other outside the show pretending to do some fake design projects for the benefit of the cameras.  Just name it “Real Housewives of Interior Design” and call it a fucking day.

What recession? The stars of Million Dollar Decorator have BUDGETS, baby.

The show actually begins Housewives-style with the five pretentious Los Angeles-based interior designers making grand pronouncements and then posing awkwardly while crossing their arms and stuff.  The attractive Jeffrey Alan Marks proclaims, “I don’t follow the trends, I set them!”  Well, he was attractive before he opened his damned mouth. 

See Shells

TUTTLE MODE | REVIEW

by James Tuttle

Gentle reader,

As Scott and I are shown to our seats at this intimate venue, Barre at Vermont in the Los Feliz neighborhood of L.A. to see “The Shells Show,” we remark at how adorable the place is and how we’ve always seemed to miss seeing our friend Jai Rodriguez in his cabaret performances here.  The vaulted ceilings and modernist light fixtures take a back seat to the assembling crowd, which is good looking and pretty homo-heavy.

Shells gives new meaning to open mic.

And don’t get me started on the hot waiters!  I try not to look too much because I’m not the type to gawk, especially since we are on our date night before Scott goes off for three weeks on a movie in Fort Lauderdale.  It’s really not fair when they keep coming right up to your table, though.  I have a sneaking suspicion that I’ve seen our tall, cute waiter Bryce without his clothes on but I can’t find a reason why that would be.  This kind of thing happens frequently in L.A.